By admitting to and owning my suspected ADHD, I am by default endorsing a set of patterns in the way my brain actually works (as evidenced in behaviour over time, and opposed to the way I’ve optimistically assumed my brain would somehow start working in the future).
I’m actively exploring the cultural wisdom of those who made this journey before me, listening and reading and engaging in conversations, noting the similarities and differences and shared struggles of navigating life with this style of brain.
I wasn’t planning to pull the ‘missed a day’ cord quite so quickly as I did, but this is the game.
My claim to daily(ish) was a moment of growth, an acceptance that i have the brain I have, and I’ve built the systems I’ve built, and those things both have really good intentions and wild variability.
By spoiling the ‘daily’ promise right away, I’ve broken the seal on the illusion or fantasy of some ‘perfect’… whatever.
I stole the initiative back from my ADHD, and gave myself the expectation that not only I’d miss a day, but I’d also carry on after the fact.
Obviously there’s work to do, but never missing a day wasn’t the point.
Dropping shit is table stakes for my brain, but I can catch too.